Do looks matter?

I’m way too concerned with appearances. It’s probably evident that I’m an enneagram wing 3. If you understand what that means. I’m an enneagram 4w3. 

I’ve always struggled with worrying about looks. 

From a young child I’ve felt ugly and never good enough. I felt like I didn’t look like the prettier girls in my classes. I definitely didn’t look like the girls in the magazines. And my “ideal self” seemed so far away. 

I’ve written about this struggle earlier this year with Love Is Moving in a post called “Squatting In Freedom”. But as old struggles go, it pops up frequently. 

I struggle to accept and be content with the boundaries and the limits of the body that God has blessed me with. It’s a body with glasses and curvy hips, and arms with lots of muscle but it sometimes looks like fat. It’s a body with pretty decent hair and eyelashes, a brain that performs well on tests and can think and write words. And a voice box that can sing and speak strongly when I need to (and even when it’s unwarranted). It’s a body that feels sick when I eat dairy, and too much sugar. But loves ice cream and carbs. And fruit. So it’s a body that probably won’t do keto. We’ll see, haha. 

When I struggle with feeling poorly about myself, it’s tempting to fill that void with spending money on new things–as if that will give me value and prove to myself and others that I’m beautiful and worthy. It’s kinda messed up. 

With being engaged and a summer of wedding events coming up, my appearance is something that I’ve been worrying about. I have engagement photos, and engagement party, and bridal shower this summer. Plus my fall wedding. That’s a lot of events where B and I are in the spotlight, I want to look and feel my best. 

I really wanted to buy a new dress to wear but I don’t have the money for it. Which sucks. I spent a few weeks thinking and dwelling on this, when God reminded me of an outfit in my closet that I can wear and feel good in. So I’ll save the money and wear what I already own. A small step to be content with what I have, even when it’s easy to desire more, more, more. 

I’m slowly learning that feeling my best, has nothing to do with what clothes are on my body. How I view myself and feel has more to do with my heart and experiencing the peace of God, regardless if I have a new dress or wear something I already own. Even though the world (media, magazines, people in stores, and online) will say differently, on this side of eternity, looks don’t matter. 

Even though the world will say differently, on this side of eternity, looks don’t matter. 

God cares more about the status of our hearts than the status of our clothes or our pant size. Yet, we are called to steward our bodies and take care of ourselves so there’s a tension there. How can I care for myself without becoming too obsessed? I need the Spirit of God to direct me in this. 

A recent podcast that has helped me apply the truth of the gospel to my appearance is called Good Enough by Lore Ferguson Wilbert and Andrea Burke. I’ve listened to them all but the ones that applied to this were on Diet Culture, and Clean Living. 

So even though my heart wants to say otherwise, appearances don’t really matter. And that’s a really good thing. 

Even though looks don’t matter, I’m blessed with this handsome man.