Our Screen-Free Home for Toddlers and Babies
In our home we don’t have a physical tv.
Our toddler has never watched a “show” on a laptop or personal device (phone/iPad).
Our baby doesn’t watch YouTube kids.
Our kids have zero access to personal devices and never request access to them.
Many parents and people may think we are weird or crazy. In 2024 this approach to parenting and home life does seem radical.
But really we are trying to re-normalize what was once normal: A play-based childhood free of screens.
Why?
Because the re-wiring of our children’s brains due to phone-based childhoods has caused a major mental health epidemic, screens addiction, and is not setting our children up for academic, social, spiritual, or emotional success.
This spring I have been listening to the audiobook version of The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. I already believed in the importance and value of being careful with technology and screens before I listened to this book, but I became even more convinced.
Finally the research surrounding smartphones and social media exposure related to children and adolescents is catching up with common sense. I won’t share all of what Haidt shares in his book (please go read/listen for yourself!), but I wanted to share an example of how my husband and I are trying to live this out in our home.
I know friends of mine make different choices surrounding their kids, homes, and screens, and I was hesitant to share thoughts about this because the goal isn’t to shame others. Everyone is seeking to do their best with the children entrusted to them, to align their values within the capacity God has given them. (Earlier this year I wrote about weighing our values against our capacity.)
But I want to vulnerably share how we are trying to walk this out. Because we need examples of how to do this, and cheer each other on in the process!
Some people may even minimize the importance of what I’ve already shared above and think I’m fear mongering. I wish it was just simply fear mongering and that allowing kids access to screens as a regular part of their day and lives was totally healthy and fine, simply because everyone else does it. But the scientific evidence (and anecdotal evidence of doctors, parents, and even kids themselves) tells a totally different story. And with raising babies and toddlers in the mid-2020s we need to apply critical thinking and wisdom on the topic of screens.
The Goal
So what we do is simple.
We are aiming to create family culture norms and practices, so that even if our kids are exposed to screens outside of home, they know what to expect when we are within our home.
Our kids are going to be raised in our world with the internet, televisions, video games, tablets, and personal devices. But we want to (as much as possible) protect their early years from developing addictive habits and support their spiritual, emotional, and social development. We aim to create a screen-free space in our home to rest and connect together.
When engaging in a screen isn’t an option (because they physically don’t exist, or children do not have access), then there’s very little conflict regarding it.
Our Specifics
My husband and I both have smartphones and laptops which we use for work and personal use. Our kids see us using both of these devices occasionally. Our kids are never allowed to touch or interact with these devices either on their own or with us.
We refer to phones and laptops as “tools for adults only” and not “toys for kids”.
The only time our kids are looking at a screen in our home is when we Facetime our parents who live far away (Heidt addresses Facetime in The Anxious Generation and regards it as less problematic as it’s essentially a long distance phone call).
We encourage our toddler to do life with us as much as we can. She helps clean the house with us (she has toddler sized brooms, dust pan, and helps wipe). She likes to help us cook in the kitchen by cracking eggs, and chopping soft veggies and fruit. She loves to check on the plants and water them with her watering can.
We emphasize going outside a few times a day. Sometimes we walk our dog. Or we walk to the local library or go to the park down the street.
Sometimes we will let our toddler go to the deck and backyard on her own if she desires (it is within sight of our living room/kitchen) while we prepare dinner inside. This small independence helps foster trust and confidence.
Our toys are mostly items like blocks, books, crayons/paper, stuffies, cars etc. We do have some interactive battery powered toys but they mostly need adult support to engage with. Our kids find them boring without the help of an adult. They are mostly second language learning toys (Cantonese).
When we travel on planes our kids have not been interested in watching shows on the plane even when we did offer (we decided to allow this to be contained to an airplane experience). It wasn’t something they were used to.
When we eat dinner they sit at the table, strapped into their chairs and eat, talk, and engage with us for the entire meal. They know this is the meal-time expectation and it is normalized for them. We (adults) avoid using our phones at the table while we eat.
In the car we listen to music or podcasts. Our kids relax by looking out the window or nap if it’s a long drive.
Our toddler (and later this year our baby) attends daycare 3 days a week. There are zero screens/shows in the room.
When we go to restaurants with tvs and screens on the walls we will place the kids at the table in the seat that faces as few screens as possible. If we are able (in a small restaurant with only 1 screen), we have asked restaurant staff to turn off the tv while we are sitting and eating.
Visiting others homes can be tricky. We are honest with friends and family about our desire to not have our children watch shows/tv. Most of the time our hosts are comfortable turning it off. The few occasions it hasn’t been possible was when we travelled. We left it as a “trip exposure” knowing that our common practice in our home was different.
As our children grow and attend school we know that our approach to screens and personal devices will shift, though my husband and I will still adhere to some variation of the Four Norms Jonathan Haidt puts forward in The Anxious Generation. For example, as our kids grow to middle school age we may introduce occasional family move nights, but we will most likely not purchase a smart phone for our children.
Thinking about how we hope to disciple our children towards a healthy relationship with screens and personal devices also continues to share my OWN relationship with such things as I want to model this well.
I’m praying and processing in community how I can live my days as phone-free as possible. I need breaks from the hyper connection and screen immersed lifestyle that so easily becomes the default.
If you’re interested in this topic, reach out to me, or consider these other helpful resources I’ve listed below.
Other resources:
Let Grow is an organization leading the movement in childhood independence, through encouraging parents to let go.
Dr. Allison Yeung, MD based in Ontario, Canada is a family doctor and mom. She runs an Instagram account called @thesmartphoneeffectmd. She shares: “A Balanced, Data-driven Approach on the Effects of Screens & Social Media on Kids.”
1000 Hours Outside is a global platform aiming to support parents and families reconnect and spend time outdoors together without screens. The goal is to spend 1000 hours outside together each year.
After Babel is the Substack from Jonathan Heidt sharing current research related to screens and children/youth. It shares beyond what his book covers in The Anxious Generation from a variety of voices.