How Prayer Offers Peace Amidst Grief
The weight of grief feels like tiny little deaths, often hitting at random points in the day.
I felt it on a Monday afternoon as I walked the halls of my child’s daycare after hearing more confirmation that my toddler son would not be able to start in his class for another 3.5 months.
I felt it on a Tuesday when I realized it would be my last day of “vacation” and I would soon start several months of unpaid leave from work.
I felt it on a Wednesday morning after receiving a text that the childcare support I was hoping for wasn’t available.
I felt it on a Thursday at dinner time when I realized my husband would be away for another bedtime, leaving the night’s routine for me to do solo.
I felt it on a Friday as I considered an anxious and fearful future of having less income with the ongoing reality of bills and life expenses.
The grief that my body was processing as it was catching up to my fearful heart and anxious mind, was the death of my hopes and plans for how this fall would turn out. Does that seem ridiculous? To some maybe. But grief over what could have been, can be just as powerful a force as grief over what once was. It seems that in our hearts (or at least in mine), our dreams and desires can seem as real and present as our current life reality.
I pride myself on being a good planner: being able to anticipate the needs of my family or a situation in the future and organize myself to be ready to meet those needs. My family even joked about it extensively in their speeches at my wedding.
But sometimes things just don’t work out the way we hoped they would. As I looked ahead to this fall and contemplated how to problem solve my need for childcare with returning to work, I had lots of plans and ideas, but faced more roadblocks than open doors to walk through.
The sovereignty of God
I had to face the reality that my circumstances were not a result of my poor planning or hard work. The circumstances were completely outside of my control. They were influenced and directed by the sovereignty of God. Who in his power and will COULD make things work smoothly and according to my preferences, but for some mysterious reason, has chosen not to do so. God has allowed me to face my disappointment, discouragement, fear, and anxiety head on.
Is this the reason God is ordaining things this way? To lead me into greater trust of his provision? Perhaps so. Or there could be more reasons.
At this point I’m faced with a constant unknown of how this fall will turn out and an inability to make plans when it comes to work and childcare. Every attempt on my side seems to fall through. Is God leading me to a state whereby I don’t make and rely on my plans? Where I extinguish the idea of having control and have open hands to see how he directs each week? For a person like myself, the prospect of that seems exhausting.
Yet, God is leading me to consider how I could experience his peace even in the midst of zero control and solid plans. Peace, even as my family faces less income and very real financial pressures. Peace as I rely on God’s provision and grow to accept my circumstances with contentment, not because they are easy but because God is with me in the midst of them.
My 5 minute prayer practice
A couple of weeks ago I knew I needed a simple way to sit in the presence of God so that I could bring before him whatever I was facing and hopefully experience the peace of God. I started a 5 minute prayer practice, because 5 minutes feels doable. I waited until the end of the day after the kids were asleep and the needs of the home were quiet. I wanted to avoid distraction so I put my phone on airplane mode and set a 5 minute timer. Then I prayed allowed to keep my thoughts focused. I started by praying the Lord’s Prayer:
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory.
For ever and ever, Amen.
Sometimes I will read a short passage of Scripture and pray through that as well in light of the day’s burdens or challenges. The first week I spent several days in Matthew 6:25-34 praying through anxiety and asking God for help in seeking first his Kingdom.
Can you also see in the Lord’s Prayer how we pray “give us this day our daily bread”? It is a day by day request for God to provide one day at a time. The mental shift I needed to help me trust and rely on God’s daily provision was right there in Jesus’ model of prayer for his followers.
I found that most days I was still praying when the timer went off. A couple of times I hit “repeat” and kept praying until I had finished my train of thought. It wasn’t like I spent the whole time absorbed with my own needs either. Often I was praying through circumstances of friends that had arisen earlier in the day. Or needs of people in my church small group, or who I had seen at church that week. I started praying specific things for my husband that felt outside of my control or influence: I needed God to be at work in his life as well. And in the lives of my children.
When control seems to be taken away it can be a reminder that perhaps we were never really in control to begin with. The fallacy that I can fully influence how and when and who does what, is a temptation too easy to believe. It’s something I want to believe. And yet, it does not lead to peace, because it’s not true and deep down I know that. But true peace WAS available to me, not in clinging to a false sense of control, but in a surrendering of my plans and embracing the God who instead is fully in control even when I face disappointment.
In the midst of my grief over my lack of childcare support, anxiety and fear over finances, and the pain of surrendering my well thought-out plans, God was still offering me peace through meeting him in prayer.
I invite you to try a 5 minute prayer practice: Find a quiet space, set a 5 minute timer on your phone, and pray aloud to God about whatever is on your heart. My hope for you is that God would meet you at the intersection of trying something new and trusting that he is in control of all things, knowing that he is good and loves us endlessly.
