Making Social Media Smaller

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash.

A few weeks have passed since I started contemplating the idea of digital minimalism and I’m becoming more convinced that a wise, balanced, and probably more restrictive use of digital devices is healthy for me.

Engaging with the digital world, the news, and digital devices isn’t divorced from my faith journey, relationships, and who I am as a follower of Jesus.

Sometimes I need to take a step back and assess how I’m doing in these areas:

• How am I growing as a disciple of Jesus?

• How am I maturing in my faith?

• How am I loving those around me?

• How am I serving others?

• How am I engaging in the issues in our world?

• Am I living out of a place of stress or a place of peace in my home? (Most days, that answer to this question is a mix of both).

Since the start of Lent I’ve been trying to pull back from the constant stream of incoming content, from podcasts, news updates, social media etc. It’s been helpful taking breaks of silence as I drive. I’ve had more emotional margin in my day as I juggle a full schedule and solo parenting. I’ve been able to cut out the excess noise and feel okay with “missing out” occasionally.

A next step for me is re-thinking my use of social media.

Typically social media is used for mindless stalking.

But in order for me to be able to use social media in a healthy way, I need it to be a place of meaningful connection.

using Instagram

I already don’t use most social media platforms (really I’m just on Facebook and Instagram), so the changes I’m making pertain mostly to Instagram.

I already have a daily timed limit on the app (15min), set up with a passcode only my husband knows–and the same for his phone as well. That restricts obviously how much time I’m spending on the app but it also impacts how I use it. I go in for super short sessions to check messages, respond to notifications, or see key friends stories. I never look at the Explore page or the reels. I only go in to engage directly with friends. I have a private account and a limited amount of friends (maybe 280+).

It sounds like I already have a lot of limits with the app. Isn’t this enough?

Perhaps. But something has been nagging at me. With the 100+ people seeing my stories whenever I post, most of them don’t engage. No “reactions”, comments, messages, etc. They are just passively taking in whatever I share, and I have no feedback from them what they think. In essence, they are just mindlessly stalking me. Seeing photos of my kids, my home, tidbits from my life.

But this doesn’t feel like meaningful connection. I’m giving away so much privacy to people who I don’t interact with at all.

Some of my friends who I know will read this will think, “This is why I don’t use social media.” And for them, I totally understand. The nature of app itself, how it’s designed, and how it forms us to behave, pushes us towards this kind of constant content download–seeing windows into the lives of so many people without any response or engagement needed. To me, that feels icky.

And I don’t want to not share about my kids or my home. I find it fun to share about funny things, or experiences with our family. But I want to share them with people who seem to care about me, engage with me, and interact with me in a meaningful way.

So the great Instagram followers chop begins.

If an Instagram “follower” doesn’t:

• “react” to my story

• comment on my story or send a DM response

• like my feed posts

• comments on posts

• responds when I DM them or “react” to their story

• is a person I see regularly in person

• is a family member

Then I will remove them from my account. If they are passively just stalking my content and there’s no meaningful interaction (not on EVERY post but even 1 in the last several months) then they don’t need to be seeing snippets of my life.

What value is that adding to their lives?
Do videos or photos of my kids need to be added to the hamster wheel of content them are absorbing daily?

Using Facebook

I engage with the Facebook platform differently than Instagram as most people do. After all they are different apps with different approaches to engagement.

Since limiting my daily use on Instagram almost 2 years ago now, I find I do browse Facebook must more frequently.

I find Facebook more community centric. I feel more connected to my local community on Facebook because I see more short/mid form posts, see the sharing of ideas, and get a glimpse of how other women in my city are doing and what they are experiencing. (Our local city moms group is very active and keeps me plugged into the pulse of what’s going on.) I also can engage with our local church’s groups and see posts and requests people have for support or just offloading random stuff (yes I will take that antique desk!!).

I also interact with family members on Facebook more than Instagram (which is more for friends or content influencers I follow).

Let’s be honest about the real reason I’m still on Facebook: MARKETPLACE. Which isn’t for everyone, yes it’s work, yes I sell real items, yes there are scammers, and yes you have to be so so so careful.

I’m also careful about who I’m “friends” with on Facebook:

• Do I actually know them in real life?

• Are we part of a similar community?

I go through my friends list periodically. I don’t feel a need to purge it like Instagram, but it’s a good reminder to have a look and pair it down if needed.

And really, at the end of the day as I’m getting ready for bed do I need to be spending 30+ minutes browsing Facebook? Nope. I need those humble reminders to get off my phone, put it away, read a book, and get ready for sleep.

What about you?

I share my journey with making social media smaller, not to put myself up on a platform of how to use the apps perfectly. I definitely do not. Nor to tell YOU what to do.

But I would invite you to consider: how are you engaging with different social media apps?

Does your time on those platforms help you feel more meaningfully connected with real relationships in your life? Are you whittling hours away each day passively stalking others?

What is the impact of your time there on your mental and emotional wellbeing?

What kind of content are you following? WHO is following you (or watching you)? Do they need to be seeing your posts sharing private details of your days?

Perhaps this is an opportunity to reflect on your own use of digital devices, social media platforms, and consider the role digital minimalism could have in your life.

Cal Newport defines digital minimalism as:

“a philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else.”

What do you value?

Is your digital engagement supporting those values or rubbing against them?