Is a positive church experience possible?
Photo by Akira Hojo on Unsplash.
I have quite a few friends taking a break from church these days.
For different reasons.
Some have never really returned to the regular gathering of God’s people after the pandemic lockdown.
Some are wrestling with shifts in theology (including topics of sexuality and gender) and not quite sure where they fit in amongst the church options near them.
Some are wounded and unsure if they want to ever go back to gathering with a group of sinful people.
Some have hearts that have hardened towards scripture, and simply lack a desire to connect regularly with God and other Christians.
And some friends are experiencing varying elements of all of those examples in various degrees. It’s a truly complex issue for them.
Church attendance is not a sole indicator of the state of someone’s spiritual health. There are plenty of spiritually unhealthy people who reside in church pews each week, and some Christ honouring saints who are prevented from gathering with a local church for various reasons (illness and persecution etc).
But the model Jesus set forth in the gospels and the model the disciples built on as they grew the Church was a communal one. To follow Jesus, live by the power of the Holy Spirit, and obey the Father involved prayer, being immersed in scripture, partaking in the Lord’s supper (to remember Christ’s death and promise of his return), and ongoing fellowship with other believers (Acts 2:42). The gathering of a local church was the creation of a new spiritual family whose bonds ran deeper than even the ones of blood relatives (Mark 3:34-35).
So when I see my friends wrestle along their faith journey of navigating shifting theology, emotional wounding, or have a lack of desire to read the bible and follow the Lord’s wisdom, and choose to leave the local church while doing so, I am filled with longing for them. Not out of pity or self righteousness. But from a deep belief that Jesus came to offer people an abundant life full of joy, peace, and assurance of God’s truth (John 10:10; 15:11; 15:26).
I long for them to experience the spiritual, emotional, and relational healing and transformation Jesus came to offer through his life, death, and resurrection (1 Peter 2:24).
I long for my friends to live captivated by the gospel, to grow in their sanctification, and produce an overflow of good spiritual fruit that only comes from abiding in Christ (John 15:1-8).
I long for them to serve God with their whole lives, helping others discover life in Christ too (Matthew 28:19-20).
“The gathering of a local church was the creation of a new spiritual family whose bonds ran deeper than even the ones of blood relatives.”
My own church experience
When I think about my own experience of following Jesus I consider the six local churches whereby I have been a member (or at least attended and was involved for a significant, committed period of time). Three of those churches I would consider positive experiences with healthy Jesus followers. One church was emotionally disconnected and bordered on spiritually negligent. Two churches were filled with painful experiences of rottenness and dysfunction between the leaders and their congregants.
It turns out both of those negative church experiences were immediately followed with the two most positive church experiences I have ever had. The church whereby I am currently a member has been one of the largest gifts of grace to my family in our current season of life.
A mentor once wisely told me, “Relational wounds are often healed relationally.” I’ve experienced that in my local church now. Two months after we started attending our current church, the impact of the faithful teaching of scripture, the welcoming and engaging relationships, and the gentleness and earnest heart care of the pastoral staff were a balm to our weary and wounded souls.
I know that isn’t everyone’s journey. Social media seems to be filled with only #churchhurt stories and not many #churchhealing ones. I pray for more healing ones. For restoration between God’s children. For humble and gentle leaders who seek to care for the spiritual lives and wellbeing of their congregants. For communities to come alongside one another in love and support, as they seek to follow Jesus and become more like him.
Is a positive church experience possible?
It’s been possible for me and I pray it is for others too. God longs for us to experience more than just “positive”. He wants us to experience himself––the place where our brokenness, pain, and longings meet the cross of Christ and become transformed into something more glorious and beautiful that none of us could ever imagine in a life on our own apart from God.
God in his grace protects and provides for those who follow him whom don’t have access to a local church community. But it’s not his intention for his children to choose to live isolated and alone. God’s gift of grace to his people is the church, a community to be ministered by and minister to others. People to weep alongside, and rejoice in joy with. To live out the “one another” commands in the New Testament. To experience forgiveness, healing, and restoration together.
“[God] wants us to experience himself–the place where our brokenness, pain, and longings meet the cross of Christ and become transformed into something more glorious and beautiful that none of us could ever imagine in a life on our own apart from God. ”
To be honest, I’m worried that in distance and distrust my friends who are on a break with the local church will lose God’s vision of the local church as being a place of restoration and redemption.
For those who are on a journey of wrestling, considering, and navigating what it may mean to follow Jesus outside a local church I hope God meets you in that place wherever you are. I pray that you experience God himself since nothing “shall separate us from the love of Christ” (Romans 8:35)–even doubts, wanderings, and seasons of distance. I hope that in experiencing God you are drawn back to the people of God. For it is among God’s people, imperfect saints who are slowly being sanctified to become more like Christ, that we experience larger degrees of God’s grace and mercy.
On healthy church leaders
Often as we consider being part of a local church one of the main barriers or opportunities is the type of leaders it has. In order to be part of a healthy, thriving, local church it needs a healthy, thriving leader. Which doesn’t necessarily equal loud, insistent on their own way, or on impressive platforms.
In the letter of 1 Peter, Peter writes to the exiled Christians in what is now modern day Turkey about how to follow Jesus amidst suffering and persecution. He writes this of how church leaders ought to lead:
So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:1-5)
There are 3 contrasts Peter uses here to remind church leaders (elders/pastors) how to lead their local communities in the example of Jesus (the chief shepherd) who “lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11) in humility and love.
How to shepherd the flock and exercise oversight:
not under compulsion but willingly
not for shameful gain but eagerly
not domineering but being an example
What do these terms mean practically? What kind of leaders in a local church should we look for and be willing to spiritually submit to as they model how to follow Christ?
They are to lead the church with joy and a willing heart, not feeling as if they are forced to (it’s a calling more than just a job that pays the bills!).
They are to work eagerly in seeking to love and care for others, desiring God’s best for them.
Their focus should be on ministering and caring for their local church members, not what they selfishly can get out of it (like desiring to platform themselves over ministering to the people right in front of them).
They should lead from a place of humility and gentleness and not be domineering or controlling of others.
Then as Peter writes in in verse 5 above, not only do elders/pastors need humility but everyone does: we all need to humble ourselves in our interactions with one another.
I believe that local church leaders like how Peter describes them above do exist, by God’s grace. Healthy leaders are out there. Healthy church communities are out there. I’ve experienced them. I believe that I’m part of one! They may seem to be few and far between these days, but Lord willing by his grace and mercy may there be an upswing of them. May they multiply and produce more healthy disciples of Jesus who will love and lead and serve others.